


Feel

by fireflysglow_archivist



Category: Firefly
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-01
Updated: 2006-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-29 08:27:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14468787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireflysglow_archivist/pseuds/fireflysglow_archivist
Summary: Kaylee finds herself missing something.





	Feel

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Firefly’s Glow](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Firefly%27s_Glow), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Firefly's Glow collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/fireflysglow/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Set Post-Serenity

  
Author's notes: Set Post-Serenity  


* * *

Feel

## Feel

A little bit of Kaylee's soul died when her lips touched Simon's. She still made an effort, bringing her hands up to wander over the warm flesh of his back. The trouble was, skin was all she felt. She had been full of butterflies and dreams for so long that the real thing didn't even come close. The soft press of Simon's mouth against hers was hollow. She pulled back, looking at Simon with wide eyes. 

"Kaylee," he said quietly, not quite meeting her eyes. He let his hands drop, skimming across her sides as they fell. Nothing; just hands. 

"I know, Simon," Kaylee plastered a half-assed smile on her face and leaned over, kissing him softly on the cheek, "I know." 

"So I guess this won't be..." Simon trailed off, finally allowing himself to look at Kaylee's eyes. The wetness threatening to break out of them made him wish he had felt something, anything, from the kiss. 

"No," Kaylee sighed. She bit her lip to keep the tears at bay and scrambled up the ladder. She hurried through Serenity's halls, trying to get her bearings straight. It sould have been so perfect; so right. Simon and her should have been wonderful together. What if she had lost the ability to feel? Maybe people like her just didn't go through harsh spots, don't see the horrors she had, and survive intact. Mal, Zo, and Jayne were the kind of people who could feel alive after scrapes with death. Maybe she wasn't that lucky. 

"Kaylee? You ok? Doc got you worked up already?" Mal cut his laugh short when he saw the fear in her eyes. 

"Oh me?" Kaylee let out a laugh too bitter for her cheerful self, "Fine and dandy. There's just somethin' I gotta do, and I don't want you getting mad, ok?" Mal nodded, and watched as Kaylee shut her eyes and breathed in deeply. Then suddenly she was up on her tiptoes, lips crushing against his. Her tongue begged for entrance into his mouth, but he pushed her back. He'd never had a handful of Kaylee before, and wasn't about to start now. 

"Kaylee?" Mal asked, his voice quivering, "You know I like you and all, but not like that, dong ma?" 

"I just," Kaylee bit back a sob, "I had to try is all. Can't seem to feel nothin'. Gotta make sure I can...only I can't." She turned around and ran out of the kitchen, leaving Mal staring after her. It wasn't that he didn't feel nice. The press of mouth on mouth was always nice; it just wasn't anything special. Kaylee let the tears come as she realized she might be broken forever. She imagined a world without love, without the feeling of another body against hers. 

She ran by River, not paying attention to her worried questions. She must look a mess with tears streaming down her grease-covered face. She flew down the stairs, stopping when she got to the cargo bay. It was full of boxes and crates; someone else's desires. She wasn't sure she'd ever have her own again. She leaned on a pile of boxes and let herself slide down until she was sitting on the floor. She hugged herself tight, trying to keep as much of her own warmth that she could. 

"Kaylee? What in the hell's the matter with ya?" Jayne's gruff voice rang through the room. He rushed over to her, dropping to his knees so that they were eye to eye. "Did that stuffy little Doc piss you off already? I can take him out, if it'd help." 

"No, Jayne." Kaylee tried to smile, but her face glistened with tears, "Weren't nothin' there. That's the problem." She paused, studying the confusion in Jayne's eyes. "How do you go through life without carin'? Teach me?" 

"I care plenty, Kaylee," Jayne reached out, running a thumb across her cheeks. She sat still as he wiped away the wetness. "Why do you wanna stop?" 

"I don't. I just don't think I can feel anymore, ya know?" Her eyes were big as she looked at him. He moved to sit down in front of her, pulling her into his arms. He wasn't much used to hugging, but no one had ever look like they needed a hug as much as Kaylee did. 

"Of course ya can!" Jayne said hopefully. He patted her back, trying to comfort her like his ma used to do for him. "You're all sunshine and smiles. You ain't just gonna stop." 

"There was nothing there," she sighed. "I kissed Simon and there was nothing there! Hell, I even kissed Mal. Besides scarin' a year or two off Cap'n's life, I got nothin'. Do you think that after a person sees what we did they just stop bein' able to feel all the good stuff?" 

"Naw," Jayne shook his head and cradled her closer, "if that was true, I'd never feel nothin'. A man's gotta believe in somethin' or else he has nothin' to survive for." He turned his head, pressing his lips gently on Kaylee's cheek. Neither expected the spark of warmth that the contact created. Kaylee's head shot up, and her eyes met Jayne's. 

"What do you survive for?" she asked softly. She was still shaking in his arms when he lowered his head and whispered against her lips. 

"Sunshine and smiles," he got out before he captured her lips in a kiss. It started gentle, but soon they each sought out the heat of each other's mouths. Jayne moaned as Kaylee's tongue thrust against his own. Kaylee sighed, allowing herself to melt into him; allowing herself to feel.

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

Title:   **Feel**   
Author:   **Kueble**   
Details:   **Standalone**  |  **PG**  |  **het**  |  **5k**  |  **04/01/06**   
Characters:  Malcolm, Kaylee, Jayne, Simon   
Pairings:  Jayne/Kaylee   
Summary:  Kaylee finds herself missing something.   
Notes:  Set Post-Serenity   
  



End file.
